Turns out it actually wasn’t me

Two+hearts+that+form+the+phrase+%22It%27s+not+you%2C+it%27s+me%22.+Drawing+by+Mikaela+Henriksen.+

Two hearts that form the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me”. Drawing by Mikaela Henriksen.

“It’s not you, It’s me” Liar. 

I’ve heard those words before.

Many times before. 

 

It started in class, 

Helping with homework and 

Editing essays together.

 

Changed to talking after school, 

Exchanging phone numbers so we

Could play gamepidgeon. 

 

Meeting after school and being just friends,

Casual talking into continuous flirting,

Turned into “hon” and “yeah I like him”.

 

Conversations held across the classroom, 

Eye motions and mouthing words, 

Inside jokes soon interrupted.

 

Another one appeared. 

Tall, very tall, and funny, 

Everything I had ever wanted. 

 

One thing stopped me:

He was popular, I was not.

I had no place in his social circle, but I wanted one.

 

Valentine’s Day came around, 

I was out of town, 

Got two different texts, one from each.

 

One expressed love for our growing friendship,

The other, not so much, 

Accused me of hiding things and ‘cheating’.

 

“But It’s not you, It’s me”, he said. 

Liar.

If that was true, we’d be fine.

 

The drama came from every angle, 

Fights in the bathroom and 

Teachers got involved. 

 

Why isn’t this getting better? 

Why can’t they stop fighting and get along?
Is it like I thought, is it really me?

 

I closed myself off from both, 

Frustration and confusion,

Love and admiration mixing. 

 

Realized that I was the one who mattered,

The only one who wouldn’t leave me stranded, 

Was me.

 

I took control of the situation, 

Stayed out of the drama, 

Didn’t cause anymore. 

 

Spent more time with my girls,

Learned to love myself,

“It’s not you, It’s me”, exactly right, 

Because I’m better off without you, both of you.