Dear voice in my head,

Whether or not this fear is irrational does not change the fact that you still exist in our society today. When I go about my day, there is something genuinely terrifying when you are inside my head and causing uncertainty about how my day is going to play out. Every conversation I have with a person, every decision I make, and lastly other people’s opinions about the things I do or say constantly runs through my mind and begins to haunt me as if you are some sort of monster. 

Validation is a very strange concept. I can receive validation from almost any source that I would like. But once my mind locks onto people that I care about the most at a certain time and age, I realize that I tend to worry and stress that I may not be good enough for those people. YOU project my past experiences that rush through my mind, and YOU keep telling me that nothing will be different this time around. Overthinking is super common especially if a conversation or relationship did not go the way I had it mapped out in my head; but at times you go a little too extreme, and from there I start beating myself up and telling myself that it is my fault somehow. 

However, some of the best people are wired to feel the need to go around pleasing those around them because they like seeing others happy, because through that they get their daily dose of happiness. 

Subconsciously, I am terrified of losing people that I love and hold very close to my heart. The moment another person loses sight of your self worth, where does all that satisfaction and validation go? That moment begins to feel like the end of the world for most people who deal with this problem. The ones who tend to please people the most are generally the ones who have been put through the most difficult times, because they know the feeling of being let down or hurt if things do not work out the way they want it to.

YOU come at the most unanticipated times and start orchestrating these voices in my head, making me believe the worst of a situation. Once I feel as if I do not do a person any good, I feel like I dug myself into this pit that I cannot get myself out of. Thoughts start rushing into my head telling me that I was the cause of all of it. But the insanely good thing about these situations is that it always circles back, and you find yourself being surrounded by people who genuinely care about you and who are willing to pull you out of this metaphorical pit that you ended up in. 

It is very scary to think about the traumatizing experiences and mental hardships people go through just to simply please a person. However, something we must all learn is that we cannot control another person’s thoughts and actions. If someone is willing to take the time to recognize me for MY raw and natural beauty, then they will stay, and that is what is not so scary after all. It is not an easy journey, and there are many difficult challenges along the way. I am actively fighting against YOU in order to not be afraid anymore by letting go of my demons and monsters in order to progress forward and allow myself to become a better person because of it. 

              – An anxious teen who suffers from people pleasing