The output of Walt Disney Animation Studios–currently totaling 54 full-length films–has been cherished by audiences young and old for almost 80 years. In this weekly online feature, arts and entertainment editor Nathan Tucker will review and rank each of them.

Lloyd Alexander’s Chronicles of Prydain are some of the best children’s fantasy the other side of Harry Potter. The five book series features engaging characters, potent mythos, and a distinct morality. The last book won a Newbery Medal. These are good books–a point that cannot be stressed enough when dealing with The Black Cauldron, Disney’s adaption of the first two books. Alexander should bear absolutely no responsibility for the animated excrement Disney made his novels into.

The charming companions of the Prydain books have been erased, replaced by caricatures. A naive farm boy, a “spunky” princess, a furry animal pal–Cauldon is a blatant Star Wars clone, complete with glowy light sword. What’s missing is the sci-fi franchise’s mass appeal. Too dark for toddlers and too inane for anyone else, the film’s choppy plot is difficult to follow and not worth the effort. There is simply no audience that wants to see an upright Yorkie commit cauldron-assisted suicide (yes, that is a plot-point).    

On the animation front, Cauldron is either laughably bad or a garish swishy lightshow. The character designs look like rejects from an episode of He-Man: flat and boring. The neon magic SFX is more distracting than awe-inspiring; while it may have looked neat at the time, these effects have aged like a jug of milk in a hot car. The Black Cauldron was the most expensive animated film of all time when it was released in 1985 to the tune of $25 million–one wonders where all that money went to.

Disney has been wise in letting The Black Cauldron slide into obscurity. The film is an embarrassment, a butchering of Lloyd Alexander’s books, an affront to Walt Disney’s legacy. It’s a pity that our heroes’ quest only destroys the titular object, not the film named after it.    

 The List:

1. Bambi
2. Sleeping Beauty
3. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
4. Lady and the Tramp
5. The Jungle Book
6. Alice in Wonderland
7. Fantasia
8. Pinocchio
9. Robin Hood
10. The Rescuers
11. One Hundred and One Dalmatians
12. Peter Pan
13. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
14. Cinderella
15. Dumbo
16. The Aristocats
17. The Fox and the Hound
18. The Sword in the Stone
19. Melody Time
20. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
21. Fun and Fancy Free
22. Saludos Amigos
23. Make Mine Music
24. The Black Cauldron
25. The Three Caballeros