Fire Regulations ‘ignite’ controversy

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Among trinkets and furniture, posters are to be removed or relocated in teacher’s rooms as fire regulations become set in stone. After a visit from the Fire Marshall, the school will be regulating all traditional safety measures previously disregarded in the past.
“[The fire adjustments] are standard procedure throughout the state of Arizona,” says security guard Leon Gumby. “We have a fire inspection for the safety of the students and the staff along with anybody who comes into our premises.”
Although most teachers will only have to submit to minor room adjustments, others have to completely rearrange their classrooms. Precautions will be enforced to the centimeter. For example, as stated in the fire code violations flyer; six inches around outlet receptacles must remain clear, three inches around exit and entry ways must be unhampered, 18 inches from the ceiling must be void of any objects, and 24 inches from the floor must also be vacant.
“Everything, I’m going to have to take everything down that I’ve had up for the last four years,” says German teacher Amy Hatchner.
Posters too close to electrical apertures are discrepancies because of their ability to easily catch fire and block exits in the event of any shortage.
“I appreciate them keeping us safe,” affirms English teacher, Rhonda Duering. “Still, we need Dalmatians to warn us about things like earthquakes and fires.”
Nevertheless, fire decrees throughout the state of Arizona will be absent of transgressions to avoid any more security breaches.
Duering says, “[To ensure safety] we should just have our posters all printed on firemen capes, or better yet- we should just all wear capes.”

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